I've Been Assuming Like a Boss
Facebook has begun to bother me so much I can hardly stand it at times. And yet, I’m drawn back, day after day. There are a lot of people I love on Facebook and so I withstand the fray because, simply put, they are worth it. What’s the most painful of all is when I see two people I actually know and love and know firsthand are really good people going at it. They are stuck in the sticky spider web of assumption. I’ve been thinking deeply about how to address the unreal morass of Facebook without pointing fingers of accusation at anybody. So I will tell you what I’ve come to learn about myself regarding this . . . thing . . . and I will tell you that much of what I’ve seen and felt in many ways, and the behavior I have exhibited at times I’m less than proud of now, can be boiled down to my ability to assume like a boss.
1. That the only thing people who mouth off about politics and culture do is mouth off about politics and culture.
This is a biggie for me. I have assumed that the loudest, most strident vocalizers, think that because they’re always mouthing off on FB they’ve checked the box of social responsibility, have gone home, turned on Rush Limbaugh or NPR and have called it a day. What in the world gives me the right to make that kind of call? Do I know anything about their lives? They could be raising a special needs child. They could have five adopted children, be working at a hospital or a school. They could be volunteering teaching ESL. I’ve made a massive judgement based on Facebook. Facebook! This place isn’t even real, people. It’s binary code and highly selective input. (Okay, we all wish some people would be a little more selective, but what we all choose to post is still selected by us according to only God knows what criteria.)
2. The people who never speak up about politics and culture on Facebook don’t care about politics and culture and are, therefore, part of The Downfall of the US.
As a person who grew up in a very politically active household (I’ve marched, I’ve picketed and was almost arrested once until I saw the police tape going up and then, no. I’m not the “getting arrested type” and I am okay with that) I question myself all the time for rarely posting anything political. Here’s the big assumption. Really? Those who choose to use Facebook as a place to connect in as universal and positive a manner as we can have every right to do so. Is it right to assume that those who don’t see Facebook as a political platform, but rather see it as a place to connect with people of all different stripes, don’t care, aren’t doing anything in their private lives to fight racism, sexism, communism, capitalism, domestic abuse, poverty, just fill in your own blankism? Perhaps they were taught to see it as bragging, perhaps they respect the people they serve too much to use them in any way to further their own image. I don’t know. You don’t either.
3. Everybody who doesn’t believe like me is either lying, deceived, stupid, or just hasn’t researched the facts.
First of all, ad hominem attack. It’s not logical and it isn’t helpful because it veils what truly needs to be talked about. Nothing brings this out more than theological discussions, however, looking at responses to a wide range of things, this is a general assumption. I have gone through many changes theologically, politically and culturally over the years, and it’s never been done “just because I didn’t like” whatever preceded that change. Believe me, if I felt the grueling process of change something akin to preference and not a deep searching for truth, I would have just skipped the whole thing. That would have been a whole lot easier. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we automatically assumed that everybody wrestles with these things when they come to a new conclusion or maintain what they’ve always believe to be true? We can assume good things about people, you know.
Second of all, am I God? Are you? We don’t have to come at it from a prideful arrogance when we simply DO NOT KNOW what most people have been through to get right where they are. When we assume we know everything about a person and can sit in judgment about them, we are making ourselves all knowing and totally lying to ourselves. When we are lying to ourselves, there’s no room for the truth to wiggle in. We can choose to love regardless and in a way that is humble and kind. That really is a viable choice.
4. How I define Facebook for myself is how everybody should define Facebook.
I touched on this earlier. This place is unreal. You know that, don’t you? It’s like one big lesson in the power of perception, and perception is normally built on assumption. So, if Facebook is a place of puppies and funny memes and recipes, and saying, “You go, girl!”at every opportunity for some people, what in the hell is that to you? Or to me? Likewise, if all somebody does is complain, or just posts boobie pics from their splendid vacation, and amazing food, or that new yoga accomplishment, what is that to me, either? The fact of the matter is, Facebook is whatever you make it out to be. Like life. Can you imagine if you assumed everybody on the planet should use this existence just like you do? Okay, a lot of people do. But you know what? They walk around angry, disappointed, and disillusioned because their expectations of how things should be are constantly not being met. It’s hard not to succumb to this in real life, but if you’re doing it here, that’s 100% your choice.
5. People are apathetic cowards who don’t want to engage in “discussion” with you on Facebook.
Nobody has to do anything they don’t want on here. Not you, not me. It’s an assumption to say it’s a lack of courage or commitment that drives people's wish not to engage with you. First of all, not everyone cares about the same issues. What’s important to me may not be important to you. We are all given unique drives. You may be all about gay rights and have never offered up a Facebook opinion about human trafficking. You may be all about theological purity and have never once talked about pollution. Does it mean you don’t care? No. That’s an assumption.
I’d like to, instead, assume a few things, knowing we all assume things:
1. Everyone is trying the best they can.
2. There are a lot of things I don’t know.
3. I don’t know what’s best for everyone.
4. You’d feed me if I turned up naked, hungry, and afraid on your doorstep.
5. You care deeply about people.
6. Just because you express things differently doesn’t mean you’re stupid or lying.
That’s about it, folks. If you can think of other assumptions, feel free to put them in the comments. I'm assuming you'll be nice.
1. That the only thing people who mouth off about politics and culture do is mouth off about politics and culture.
This is a biggie for me. I have assumed that the loudest, most strident vocalizers, think that because they’re always mouthing off on FB they’ve checked the box of social responsibility, have gone home, turned on Rush Limbaugh or NPR and have called it a day. What in the world gives me the right to make that kind of call? Do I know anything about their lives? They could be raising a special needs child. They could have five adopted children, be working at a hospital or a school. They could be volunteering teaching ESL. I’ve made a massive judgement based on Facebook. Facebook! This place isn’t even real, people. It’s binary code and highly selective input. (Okay, we all wish some people would be a little more selective, but what we all choose to post is still selected by us according to only God knows what criteria.)
2. The people who never speak up about politics and culture on Facebook don’t care about politics and culture and are, therefore, part of The Downfall of the US.
As a person who grew up in a very politically active household (I’ve marched, I’ve picketed and was almost arrested once until I saw the police tape going up and then, no. I’m not the “getting arrested type” and I am okay with that) I question myself all the time for rarely posting anything political. Here’s the big assumption. Really? Those who choose to use Facebook as a place to connect in as universal and positive a manner as we can have every right to do so. Is it right to assume that those who don’t see Facebook as a political platform, but rather see it as a place to connect with people of all different stripes, don’t care, aren’t doing anything in their private lives to fight racism, sexism, communism, capitalism, domestic abuse, poverty, just fill in your own blankism? Perhaps they were taught to see it as bragging, perhaps they respect the people they serve too much to use them in any way to further their own image. I don’t know. You don’t either.
3. Everybody who doesn’t believe like me is either lying, deceived, stupid, or just hasn’t researched the facts.
First of all, ad hominem attack. It’s not logical and it isn’t helpful because it veils what truly needs to be talked about. Nothing brings this out more than theological discussions, however, looking at responses to a wide range of things, this is a general assumption. I have gone through many changes theologically, politically and culturally over the years, and it’s never been done “just because I didn’t like” whatever preceded that change. Believe me, if I felt the grueling process of change something akin to preference and not a deep searching for truth, I would have just skipped the whole thing. That would have been a whole lot easier. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we automatically assumed that everybody wrestles with these things when they come to a new conclusion or maintain what they’ve always believe to be true? We can assume good things about people, you know.
Second of all, am I God? Are you? We don’t have to come at it from a prideful arrogance when we simply DO NOT KNOW what most people have been through to get right where they are. When we assume we know everything about a person and can sit in judgment about them, we are making ourselves all knowing and totally lying to ourselves. When we are lying to ourselves, there’s no room for the truth to wiggle in. We can choose to love regardless and in a way that is humble and kind. That really is a viable choice.
4. How I define Facebook for myself is how everybody should define Facebook.
I touched on this earlier. This place is unreal. You know that, don’t you? It’s like one big lesson in the power of perception, and perception is normally built on assumption. So, if Facebook is a place of puppies and funny memes and recipes, and saying, “You go, girl!”at every opportunity for some people, what in the hell is that to you? Or to me? Likewise, if all somebody does is complain, or just posts boobie pics from their splendid vacation, and amazing food, or that new yoga accomplishment, what is that to me, either? The fact of the matter is, Facebook is whatever you make it out to be. Like life. Can you imagine if you assumed everybody on the planet should use this existence just like you do? Okay, a lot of people do. But you know what? They walk around angry, disappointed, and disillusioned because their expectations of how things should be are constantly not being met. It’s hard not to succumb to this in real life, but if you’re doing it here, that’s 100% your choice.
5. People are apathetic cowards who don’t want to engage in “discussion” with you on Facebook.
Nobody has to do anything they don’t want on here. Not you, not me. It’s an assumption to say it’s a lack of courage or commitment that drives people's wish not to engage with you. First of all, not everyone cares about the same issues. What’s important to me may not be important to you. We are all given unique drives. You may be all about gay rights and have never offered up a Facebook opinion about human trafficking. You may be all about theological purity and have never once talked about pollution. Does it mean you don’t care? No. That’s an assumption.
I’d like to, instead, assume a few things, knowing we all assume things:
1. Everyone is trying the best they can.
2. There are a lot of things I don’t know.
3. I don’t know what’s best for everyone.
4. You’d feed me if I turned up naked, hungry, and afraid on your doorstep.
5. You care deeply about people.
6. Just because you express things differently doesn’t mean you’re stupid or lying.
That’s about it, folks. If you can think of other assumptions, feel free to put them in the comments. I'm assuming you'll be nice.
Lisa, I really do respect the way you've addressed this issue. I can sure agree with lots of details you've thought on a decided about. I hope to learn and grow up more into a good way to express my views without making wrong assumptions. Cause I do that a lot to..Thanks, you are an inspiration.
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